A Forgotten Force That Still Moves Men
It’s striking how often, throughout history, women have served as a driving force behind men—especially through the power of love and the hope it brings. Women hold a special key. It drives us in ways nothing else can.
Every once in a while, I pick up my knight’s code—an old book of chivalry I fell in love with while preparing and teaching my course on the Crusades. These codes remind me of virtues we’ve either forgotten or are now viewing only in culture’s rearview mirror: honor, sacrifice, meekness (strength through restraint). It takes me back to a time when things felt simpler, clearer—especially after watching a few videos on the future of AI this morning!
Today I came across this passage again. The book is called The Book of Chivalry by Geoffroi de Charny, written in the early 1350s:
“There is another category of men-at-arms who when they begin are so naïve that they are unaware of the great honor that they could win through deeds of arms; nevertheless they succeed so well because they put their hearts into winning the love of a lady.”
I had to laugh out loud. Not only because de Charny was calling these guys naïve, but because he saw this drive as a legitimate way to motivate boys to become men. Even 700 years ago, the dynamic was understood: men are often stirred to greatness not by ambition alone, but by a woman and the promise her love brings.
Love Still Drives Us
That hasn’t changed. A woman’s love still moves a man—not only through a carnal longing and desire (which is from God), but through the call of honor, the weight of dignity, and the need to live with purpose and fulfillment.
I’ve seen it in my own life. I often tell my wife, “You have the power to get me to do just about anything—if you only knew it.” And I mean it. Her love, her presence, her belief in me—they move me when nothing else can. This drive for her doesn’t just encourage me; it unlocks something. She got me to stop opioids cold turkey in 2017 after five years of addiction that I could not stop on my own. One of her tears unlocked a power that I could not find.
This isn’t to say the reverse isn’t also true, or that women don’t have their own strength, callings, and gifts. Of course they do. But there is something unique—time-tested and powerful—about the way a woman’s love stirs a man to rise up, to strive up, to build up something worth leaving behind.
The Power Can Be Used—or Abused
Of course, this kind of influence can be used manipulatively—and sadly, it sometimes is. But when women truly sense the weight and responsibility of it before God, they carry it with a kind of sacred reverence. They know they hold something powerful and choose to wield it not for control, but for mutual calling.
I’ve seen both. But when used rightly, that power becomes a lifeline—fueling a man’s courage, calling him to something higher than himself.
Male and Female: The Full Image of God
This power isn’t accidental. It’s built into creation itself.
“So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.”
— Genesis 1:27 (ESV)
Notice how the passage is worded. When God created man—singular—He made them male and female. The image of God isn’t found in the man alone or the woman alone. It’s found in both, working together. That unity, that complementarity, is where the real glory is.
It’s a power no machine can simulate, no algorithm (working together or separately) can replicate. You can add all the AI and neural implants you want—but nothing comes close to the creative, redemptive force we see when men and women are working together the way they were meant to. They are icons of the Being One.
Losing the Complementary Vision
Unfortunately, modern culture (and many churches) often miss this. We’ve stopped seeing men and women as a complementary team. Instead of partners, they’re rivals. Instead of anchors and motors, they’re framed as competitors. And when that shift happens, male motivation often falters. The very thing that once fueled our courage and creativity gets lost in the competitive noise—noise that can’t inspire, only exhaust.
We’ve removed the key a woman holds and wondered why the engine doesn’t start on its own.
Get Your Own
(this one is mine)
The Hidden Engine of Greatness
While marriage is often the clearest context for this dynamic, it’s not the only one. I am, admittedly, alarmed by how few people are marrying today. This unique exchange between men and women—where each draws something essential out of the other—is one of the great engines of human flourishing. And while marriage is its most vivid expression, it isn’t the only one.
When the Design Still Works
Men often rise to acts of strength, sacrifice, and responsibility not just for a wife, but for women in general—for mothers, sisters, daughters, even strangers. And women, in turn, extend a nurturing strength that shapes not only individual men but entire cultures. Whether it’s through care, encouragement, challenge, or grace, they draw something vital out of men that might otherwise remain dormant.
What We Forgot to Remember
The greatness in a man is rarely self-generated. It’s drawn out—again and again—by love. He rises—or falls—for her. Whether it’s the naïve young knight of the 1300s fighting for the favor of a lady, or the exhausted husband finding new strength in his wife’s tears, this bond has long been the hidden engine of honor and achievement.
It’s captured in an old word we’ve either forgotten or pushed aside: chivalry.
There is still no stronger force on earth than a man and a woman working together as they were meant to—distinct yet united, complementary yet equal, bearing together the image of God.
