Top Ten Reasons why the Evangelical did not cross the road

10. Because there was not a tea party on the other side of the road.

9. Because he was not sure WWJD in any given road crossing situation.

8. He wanted to avoid the man begging for money on the other side. He just needs to get a job.

7. The road was named after Bill Clinton.

6. He did not read anything about crossing the road in Purpose Driven Life. 

5. On the other side of the road there was a guy who was the friend of a friend of a friend who voted for Obama.

4. Their church was watch the movie “The Road” on Sunday mornings instead of listening to a sermon. He wanted to wait until it was over to see what to do. 

3. There were Fundamentalists on one side and liberals on the other side. He wanted to mediate so he went to the middle of the road.

2. Because he was waiting for the guy from the golf-cart ministry to pick him up.

1. While the main campus of his church was on the other side of the road, he had a satellite campus on his. Why cross?

C Michael Patton
C Michael Patton

C. Michael Patton is the primary contributor to the Parchment and Pen/Credo House Blog. He has been in ministry for nearly twenty years as a pastor, author, speaker, and blogger. Th.M. Dallas Theological Seminary (2001), president of Credo House Ministries and Credo Courses, author of Now that I'm a Christian (Crossway, 2014) Increase My Faith (Credo House, 2011), and The Theology Program (Reclaiming the Mind Ministries, 2001-2006), host of Theology Unplugged, and primary blogger here at Parchment and Pen. But, most importantly, husband to a beautiful wife and father to four awesome children. Michael is available for speaking engagements. Find him everywhere: Find him everywhere

    10 replies to "Top Ten Reasons the Evangelical Did Not Cross the Road"

    • Steven Dresen

      It’s a joke, derived from the “Why did the chicken cross the road,” genre of jokes.

    • ScottL

      Whey didn’t the evangelical cross the road?

      Because they weren’t sure if the directions were inerrant or not.

    • Greg

      He knew the road to hell was paved with good intentions and decided not to risk it.

    • Roto

      10 reasons why a Calvary Chapel member didn’t cross the road.
      1) As in all things, if Chuck Smith didn’t say to, or spoke against it, forget about it.
      2) Because it wouldn’t make us “Distinctive” (refer to #1).
      3) A semInary graduate is probably invoved (keep referring to the previous).
      4) Almost as bad, a Calvinist is also involved.
      5) Not quite as bad, but a denomination is also involved.
      6) Because even though we critize all other ministries (including for things we do), they might critize how walk.
      7) Since all internal criticism of Caesar, oops!, I mean the senior pastor, is considered of the devil, we’re once again involved in a split and damage control – we don’t have anyone to walk.
      8) We’ve already had every get saved three times for the last walk crusades, we need some new people to get saved again for us.
      9) Hold on! We haven’t made a “road” t-shirt or something we can peddle to our people to make some dinero off the road crusade.
      10) Because we don’t see the RNC crossing yet.

    • Lucian

      🙂 — Nice series of “top tens”…

      Here’s something similar about the Orthodox… 🙂

    • jim


      Love your #7….. have you heard of Kaizer Leadership for churches?

    • Cadis

      The Evangelical did not cross the road because to his alarm on the other side stood several burly guys dressed in grey and navy blue suits. They were proud of their freshly cropped hair, sunglasses(from dollar general) and bibles tucked under their arms. They stood shoulder to shoulder with legs apart and firmly planted. Thier eyes could not be seen but their glare was felt..they the evangelicals ipod, “tsk” The Evangelical thought he heard one say..”is that U2? I’m hearing?” and then another responded “Yeah and verily, I think we need to escort this fellow to the Lords woodshed”

    • […] why did the evangelical not . . . 5. On the other side of the road there was a guy who was the friend of a friend of a friend who voted for Obama. […]

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