10. They were not a part of the ‘crossing’ dispensation.
9. They thought that the other side was for Israel and this side was for the church.
8. Charles Ryrie was still on this side of the road, why cross?
7. It is pointless since Jesus is just going to bring them back after 7 years.
6. Like the OT prophets and the church age, they were unable to see the other side.
5. They counted and it would take 18 steps. That divided by 3 is 6. 666. Therefore, crossing the road might be taking the mark of the beast.
4. By taking a consistently literal approach, they thought that “cross the road” meant something about the crucifixion.
3. Dallas Theological Seminary has yet published anything telling us how to do it.
2. It was crossing from HWY 69 to HWY 70. That road is meant only for Israel.
1. They thought we would be raptured before we got there anyway.
9 replies to "Top Ten Reasons the Dispensationalist Did NOT Cross the Road"
I hate to be blank headed on this……can you point me in a direction so I can understand this? 🙁
What is a Dispensationalist? and are you saying its a bad thing?
I know this is supposed to be funny but its all greek to me…
10. Recent newspaper articles didn’t seem to match the Bible enuf to warrant it.
9. Got half way across, then came back. Was Progressive Dispensationalist; but apparently not Progressive enuf.
8. Saw copy of George Eldon Ladd’s “The Blessed Hope” on the other side.
7. Was Calvinist, and since didn’t feel like crossing, it prolly wasn’t actually predestined.
6. Was Arminian, realizing God knows will or will not cross at whatever time.
5. Was Open Theist, intuiting that though God knows can genuinely cross now, that God knows can also genuinely cross later, or not at all.
4. Found out Augustine was Amillennial.
3. Hadn’t signed up with that guy who sez he will email your Friends & Fam when the rapture happens.
2. Found out the author of Revelation was Amillennial.
1. Guy walks over from other side asking, “So how was it?” “Was what?” the Dispy replied. “The Great Tribulation,” he responded. “Huh!?!?” the non-crossing Dispy exclaimed. “Yeah, we’re back from The Rapture. You missed it.”
—-YIKES—-
Unfortunately, the word dispensationalism has been a source of intense and sometimes harsh debate. As a result, a lot of confusion surrounds it. If interested, I have summarized some of the important considerations here: http://thinkpoint.wordpress.com/2007/05/05/how-do-i-interpret-scripture/
Regarding #2: Not to mention that there is probably 2000+ HWY’s between HWY 69 and HWY 70! So crossing the read really means crossing 2000+ roads!
Very good and much well-deserved! Now I need to see if you have been equally fair to the reformed side! Will be passing this on to friends (both disp and reformed alike). Thanks
Sorry, lol, some of it’ literally’ went over my head!…..no short jokes! (smile)
This is brilliant. I particularly found #6, 4, and 3 to be quite funny.
Ok…maybe I’m just dense but was this article making fun of dispensationalist? At first I was quite offended but then I thought maybe it was some kind of joke I just didn’t get. Help me out.
The dispensationalist realised that a priest and levite crossed the road.