10. They were not a part of the ‘crossing’ dispensation.

9. They thought that the other side was for Israel and this side was for the church.

8. Charles Ryrie was still on this side of the road, why cross?

7. It is pointless since Jesus is just going to bring them back after 7 years.

6. Like the OT prophets and the church age, they were unable to see the other side.

5. They counted and it would take 18 steps. That divided by 3 is 6. 666. Therefore, crossing the road might be taking the mark of the beast.

4. By taking a consistently literal approach, they thought that “cross the road” meant something about the crucifixion.

3. Dallas Theological Seminary has yet published anything telling us how to do it.

2. It was crossing from HWY 69 to HWY 70. That road is meant only for Israel.

1. They thought we would be raptured before we got there anyway.

C Michael Patton
C Michael Patton

C. Michael Patton is the primary contributor to the Parchment and Pen/Credo Blog. He has been in ministry for nearly twenty years as a pastor, author, speaker, and blogger. Find him on Patreon Th.M. Dallas Theological Seminary (2001), president of Credo House Ministries and Credo Courses, author of Now that I'm a Christian (Crossway, 2014) Increase My Faith (Credo House, 2011), and The Theology Program (Reclaiming the Mind Ministries, 2001-2006), host of Theology Unplugged, and primary blogger here at Parchment and Pen. But, most importantly, husband to a beautiful wife and father to four awesome children. Michael is available for speaking engagements. Join his Patreon and support his ministry

    9 replies to "Top Ten Reasons the Dispensationalist Did NOT Cross the Road"

    • jonathan

      I hate to be blank headed on this……can you point me in a direction so I can understand this? 🙁

      What is a Dispensationalist? and are you saying its a bad thing?

      I know this is supposed to be funny but its all greek to me…

    • Rick C.

      10. Recent newspaper articles didn’t seem to match the Bible enuf to warrant it.

      9. Got half way across, then came back. Was Progressive Dispensationalist; but apparently not Progressive enuf.

      8. Saw copy of George Eldon Ladd’s “The Blessed Hope” on the other side.

      7. Was Calvinist, and since didn’t feel like crossing, it prolly wasn’t actually predestined.

      6. Was Arminian, realizing God knows will or will not cross at whatever time.

      5. Was Open Theist, intuiting that though God knows can genuinely cross now, that God knows can also genuinely cross later, or not at all.

      4. Found out Augustine was Amillennial.

      3. Hadn’t signed up with that guy who sez he will email your Friends & Fam when the rapture happens.

      2. Found out the author of Revelation was Amillennial.

      1. Guy walks over from other side asking, “So how was it?” “Was what?” the Dispy replied. “The Great Tribulation,” he responded. “Huh!?!?” the non-crossing Dispy exclaimed. “Yeah, we’re back from The Rapture. You missed it.”


    • Steve Cornell

      Unfortunately, the word dispensationalism has been a source of intense and sometimes harsh debate. As a result, a lot of confusion surrounds it. If interested, I have summarized some of the important considerations here: http://thinkpoint.wordpress.com/2007/05/05/how-do-i-interpret-scripture/

    • Derek

      Regarding #2: Not to mention that there is probably 2000+ HWY’s between HWY 69 and HWY 70! So crossing the read really means crossing 2000+ roads!

    • David

      Very good and much well-deserved! Now I need to see if you have been equally fair to the reformed side! Will be passing this on to friends (both disp and reformed alike). Thanks

    • geneinne

      Sorry, lol, some of it’ literally’ went over my head!…..no short jokes! (smile)

    • John

      This is brilliant. I particularly found #6, 4, and 3 to be quite funny.

    • Kristy

      Ok…maybe I’m just dense but was this article making fun of dispensationalist? At first I was quite offended but then I thought maybe it was some kind of joke I just didn’t get. Help me out.

    • Jim

      The dispensationalist realised that a priest and levite crossed the road.

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