Introduction
As a parent of four, my journey of fatherhood has been one of love, joy, and sometimes, deep concern and guilt. This is particularly true when it comes to the spiritual path of my child. The adage from Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it,” has long been a north star in my parenting journey. I’m sure it has been for you as well. However, life often presents complex storms that are not so easy to weather with simple sayings.
One of the most heart-wrenching experiences is watching a child, whom you’ve lovingly nurtured in faith, choose a path that veers or departs from yours. I saw it in the look on my mother’s face as I chose to run with the world for a time rather than follow her instructions. This departure can leave a parent grappling with a myriad of emotions – from guilt and disappointment to a profound sense of failure and loss. The questions start to mount. Where did I go wrong? Did I not embody the teachings strongly enough? Or perhaps, my approach was too forceful and strained?
Give me a minute as I aim to delve into the heart of this proverb. It is my hope to offer solace and insights not only to myself but to other parents facing similar situations. We will explore the depth of Proverbs 22:6 by bringing to the surface three often missed realities that are difficult to see without a bit of hermeneutical (interpretive) elbow grease
1. ‘Derek’: For Each Child There is a ‘Way’
At the heart of the proverb “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” lies the Hebrew word ‘derek.’ This term signifies more than a direction; it reflects the inherent nature or method of something. It can be used of a creature’s habitual way of being. Think of the “way” a sidewinder snake moves on the desert floor or the way a horse learns to walk. It suggests that children have a unique ‘derek’ – a distinct approach to life that parents should recognize and nurture.
The true essence of ‘derek’ shifts the focus from a generic approach to embracing the individualistic path of each child. Recognizing that every child interacts with their environment uniquely is essential. Some might connect through emotion, others through intellect or experience. This understanding is crucial in guiding them towards a life of faith and values. While the destination is going to be the same for every child, the roadmap will be completely different.
2. The Meaning of Maturity: ‘When He is Old’ Not ‘When He is Young’
The phrase “and when he is old he will not depart from it” underscores a nuanced understanding. Notice what the proverb does not say. It does not say, “Train up a child in the way he should go and he will not depart from it.” It says, “When he is old, he will not depart from it.” This suggests that while children may explore various paths during their journey, the foundational teachings imparted in childhood will resurface in their maturity.
Another way of saying the same thing is to say, “Train up a child in the way they should go and when they are older, they will come back to it.” Of course, they may never depart, even for a time. But the wisdom of the statement is in the understanding that maturity will bring them to a realization of the wisdom of the way you taught. This provides comfort to parents witnessing their children exploring divergent paths. But parents must live with the realization that they may not be in their lifetime. It is not, “When you are old, they will not depart from it.” It’s their maturity that is in focus. I may be belaboring something I have long gotten across. Suffice it to say, you may have long passed by the time your children have their epiphany and come back to God.
3. A Proverb is a Proverb, Not a Promise
The book of Proverbs is not a collection of promises but rather wise sayings. That is what a proverb is: a general truth that does not necessarily apply in every situation. Just because a proverb is in the Bible does not sanctify it, and change its meaning. It does not magically transform into a promise. If it’s in the Scriptures, it is an inspired proverb.
This proverb, therefore, is not a guarantee but a general principle about the lasting impact of early childhood education and moral guidance. [Source] It highlights the importance of a balanced approach in parenting – providing a moral and ethical framework while acknowledging and nurturing each child’s unique personality and talents.
Conclusion
In conclusion, Proverbs 22:6 invites us to a more empathetic and individualized approach to child-rearing. Recognizing each child’s unique ‘derek’ and guiding them accordingly, with the understanding that the values instilled in them will influence their adult lives, offers timeless guidance for parents navigating the complex journey of raising children.
Next Post in this Series: 5 Radical (More) Ways to Make Sure Your Children Don’t Depart from the Faith,
5 replies to "The Real Meaning of Proverbs 22:6 – How to Train Up a Child in the Way He Should Go"
Putting this interpretation back into the format of the verse, if one harmonizes their parental teaching to a child’s particular way of interacting with his environment, that child will come back to his particular way of interacting with his environment when he is old??
Frankly, out of parental angst, this seems to meld both the naturalistic and negative interpretations of this verse to allow for a very lengthy “prodigal child” adult period, with a reversion to a moral path occurring well after parents have deceased. In the process, this interpretation seems to maintain the proverb as essentially a promise, albeit with a much delayed fulfillment.
Addressing some of these issues and seemingly more grounded in scripture is the treatment found in: Fox, Michael V. Proverbs 10–31: A New Translation with Introduction and Commentary. Vol. 18B. Anchor Yale Bible. New Haven; London: Yale University Press, 2009.