(Lisa Robinson)

Well, its happened again, rumors of liberalism infiltrating the church.  This is bad, very bad and nothing to be remotely associated with.  It is a sure sign that you have one foot out the door of orthodoxy and will soon abandon the tenets of the faith.  So I’ve come up with a list of sure-fire ways you can stay as far away from a liberal classification as possible and avoid any slippery slopes.

1)   Never question the parameters of inerrancy.  You may have tons of questions related to perceived gaps but it is best to keep that to yourself.  Raising questions will definitely raise eyebrows.

2)   Never refer to the entirety of God’s word as “narrative” regardless of how much you want to show the grand story that sweeps across all 66 books.  It’s probably wise not to use the word “story”.

3)   Never place an adjective with the word “hermeneutics”, unless it’s “Evangelical”

4)   Don’t cite sources from those marked as even possibly liberal, unless its to levy criticisms at their disastrous consequences.  Neither say anything nice about their books or blogs.  It does not matter if they actually have something valuable to contribute.  Any alliance will make you guilty by association.

5)   Don’t capitulate to the culture through means that might actually connect with people where they are.  They need to know the word of God.  Period.

6)   Never use the word “culture”, unless it is something you are against.

7)   Make sure that when an evangelical figure is publicly chastised for maybe possibly going down a slippery slope (possibly because they used the aforementioned words), that you quickly hop on the band wagon.  Don’t bother with actual facts or taking time to do some evaluation.  Hesitation will only raise suspicion.

8.)   Never question the validity of women’s participation in leadership or contribution to the body at large.  That is a sure sign to show you are headed down a slippery slope and destroying inerrancy.  They should know their place anyway.

9)   Don’t support a church catering to seekers (see also #s 5 and 7).  They can find their way with a good sermon.

10)  Don’t contaminate evangelism with “good works” or anything remotely associated with meeting tangible needs.   The four spiritual laws is all anyone needs and “good works” is something liberals do.

11)  The only “mission” you should be on is stocking your library with MacArthur resources and warning others against liberal infiltration.

12)  Never, ever use the word “emerging” in any context.

Well folks, I hope this helps.  Follow these 12 easy steps and it will keep you firmly planted from rolling down any slippery slopes so that no one can ever accuse you of being liberal.

C Michael Patton
C Michael Patton

C. Michael Patton is the primary contributor to the Parchment and Pen/Credo Blog. He has been in ministry for nearly twenty years as a pastor, author, speaker, and blogger. Find him on Patreon Th.M. Dallas Theological Seminary (2001), president of Credo House Ministries and Credo Courses, author of Now that I'm a Christian (Crossway, 2014) Increase My Faith (Credo House, 2011), and The Theology Program (Reclaiming the Mind Ministries, 2001-2006), host of Theology Unplugged, and primary blogger here at Parchment and Pen. But, most importantly, husband to a beautiful wife and father to four awesome children. Michael is available for speaking engagements. Join his Patreon and support his ministry

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