I was talking to someone the other day. He was distraught and depressed about his faith. Though he had experienced a dramatic conversion a few years back, the last year has been full of trials and temptations which lead him back into a lifestyle which he thought was in his rear-view mirror. Along with his return to some former habits, he has entered into a nightmare of doubt. His primary doubt comes from his ability to return to the Lord, having, according to him, “rejected the gift of God” and “returning to his own vomit.”
While the issues are complex and I do not wish to enter into a dialogue about this person’s spiritual state, I do want to mention a verse that has put him in a spiritually catatonic state. He believes that like it was with Esau, it is too late for him. He believes that the repentance that he seeks has been removed from the table. In other words, he believes that there is a time when repentance is no longer possible.
Here is the verse he referred to in support of this pain:
Heb. 12:17
“For you know that even afterward, when he [Esau] desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no place for repentance, though he sought for it with tears.” (NAS)
The impression is that Esau rejected the blessing of God through his birthright (which is true). When he later realized how fool-hearted this was and turned to God for repentance of his sin, he was rejected. It was just too late. I don’t believe this is the case. Let me explain.
The question is What did Esau seek with tears? What is the “it” of Heb. 12:17 (“he sought for it with tears”)? Many people assume that it is repentance. While the translation I used (NAS) leaves the question open for interpretation, the word order in English leaves the other possibilities obscure. But, at face value in the reading of most translations, it does seem like it is repentance that Esau is seeking. Notice the readings in these other translations:
KJV: For ye know how that afterward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected: for he found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears.
ESV: For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears.
NKJ: For you know that afterward, when he wanted to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no place for repentance, though he sought it diligently with tears.
NLT: You know that afterward, when he wanted his father’s blessing, he was rejected. It was too late for repentance, even though he begged with bitter tears.
RSV: For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears.
All of these translations at least give the impression that what Esau sought for was basic repentance. If this were the case, this is a cause for great concern since it would teach that we may be able to turn to God with tears, truly seeking repentance, but be unable to find it. It would teach that there may be people who truly want to turn from their sin, but cannot find the ability to repent. It may teach that there exists the possibility for you to approach the throne of God requesting the gift of repentance and be turned down. It may teach that there is a time in this life when it is just too late, no matter how much you desire to change. That is scary.
However, there is another, and I believe, more faithful way to understand this passage. You see the pronoun “it” has not one but two possible anticedents. When structured like the translations above, the common way to read this in English is to look for the closest possibility as the referent to what Esau sought. That is just the way the English language works. And the closest referent to “it” is indeed “repentance.” However, the Greek language goes by a different set of rules. Word order is secondary to inflection. The word “it” is a feminine pronoun. This means that the noun which it modifies will be feminine too. In this verse there are two feminine nouns: “repentance” and “blessing.” Therefore, there are two viable options here for what Esau sought with tears. It was either repentance or the blessing. Neither is necessarily preferred based on grammar and syntax, therefore we must look to the context of the story the author of Hebrews is alluding to. So let’s look at the context of the story of Esau.
When we turn back to the narrative in Genesis 27, we see Esau being tricked out of his blessing by both Jacob and his mother. After Esau found out he had been tricked and that Isaac had blessed Jacob rather than himself, he broke down. Notice how the story goes:
Gen 27:35-38
And he [Isaac] said [to Esau], “Your brother came deceitfully and has taken away your blessing.” 36 Then he said, “Is he not rightly named Jacob, for he has supplanted me these two times? He took away my birthright, and behold, now he has taken away my blessing.” And he said, “Have you not reserved a blessing for me?” 37 But Isaac replied to Esau, “Behold, I have made him your master, and all his relatives I have given to him as servants; and with grain and new wine I have sustained him. Now as for you then, what can I do, my son?” 38 Esau said to his father, “Do you have only one blessing, my father? Bless me, even me also, O my father.” So Esau lifted his voice and wept. (NAU, emphasis mine).
You see that Esau did indeed weep. He did indeed repent. But what was it he repented and wept over? It was the loss of his blessing. The context in Genesis is clear. I think we must see the passage in Hebrews through the context of the original storyline. The author of Hebrews is saying that Esau sought his blessing with tears, not repentance.
I think some of these translations do a good job of bringing out this nuance:
TNIV: Afterward, as you know, when he wanted to inherit this blessing, he was rejected. Even though he sought the blessing with tears, he could not change what he had done.
NJB: As you know, when he wanted to obtain the blessing afterward, he was rejected and, though he pleaded for it with tears, he could find no way of reversing the decision.
NRS: You know that later, when he wanted to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, even though he sought the blessing with tears.
NAB: For you know that later, when he wanted to inherit his father’s blessing, he was rejected because he found no opportunity to change his mind, even though he sought the blessing with tears.
NET: For you know that later when he wanted to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no opportunity for repentance, although he sought the blessing with tears.
It is unfortunate when Bible translations seek to leave the options open in situations such as this. This is one of those places where I believe translation philosophy militates against the clearer meaning of the text. I understand the reasoning in many cases, but here, the casualties are plenty as the implications are severe. Normally we would seek to leave ambiguity where it truly exists. I get that. But can we really say that this passage presents us with such a dilemma? Its it really ambiguous enough to leave the English word order in such a misleading way? I think that this is only a difficult passage because of the (albiet) intentional ambiguity left in the text by many modern translations.
I believe that the Bible teaches that there is never a day when repentance is beyond our grasp. Even the thief on the cross was able to find humble repentance in his words “remember me when you come into your kingdom.” This is the wonder of our God and the Gospel message. God’s love makes repentance always acceptable no matter where you find yourself in life. If you seek repentance, you will find it. God’s grace is that radical.
Mat 7:7-8
Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.
226 replies to "Could Esau Repent? The Difficulty of Heb. 12:17"
His mercies are new every morning
Had a moral lapse today, but confessed it and am trusting in God’s cleansing
Finally starting to pick up the pieces from my fall by God’s grace
Trusting in Jesus
He is a God of second chances, e.g., Samson, David
The Lord is softening my heart and comforting my soul
I will heal their apostasy
I will love them freely
For my anger has turned from them
I feel like the Lord has removed the demons that were afflicting my mind. My heart still feels hard, but I believe He is gradually softening it.
Yesterday was rough— my beautiful, godly ex-wife married another man. But the Lord ministered to my heart and reminded me that He is the only One I need
I believe God has miraculously granted me repentance. I was sorry what I did against Him and His people while in the ministry. I look forward to experiencing His healing hand.
Just read several articles online about God’s mercy to Manesseh in the OT— amazing!
Happy Thanksgiving! God is good. He is letting me visit my little granddaughter for the first time. I should be dead because of my sin
Reading a book entitled The Inescapable Love of God
Had another moral lapse this morning, but confessed it to the Lord and my accountability partner and resolved not to repeat
Tough time today. Satan’s attacks are relentless. I will keep crying out to God— it’s all I can do
God was merciful to king Manasseh. He is a merciful God.
I am forcing myself to rely on God’s promises that He will forgive instead of my feelings
I felt what I believe was demonic pressure to look at porn. I tried to get around Covenant Eyes, but could not. Then it was as if I heard the Holy Spirit whispering to me to stop resisting Him. I did and felt the demons leave.
Spent extended time in prayer this morning begging God for forgiveness and for the Holy Spirit to remove any and all demonic activity. Felt relief I haven’t felt in a long time and my depression lifted—PTL!
Merry Christmas everyone! God is good even to those who have rebelled against Him!
Blessed day with Christian family and friends!
Happy New Year to everyone who looks at this thread! May we all experience God’s unending mercy as we turn away from our sins and return to Him.
Trusting in the power of the cross to mortify sin in my body. Someone once said (I can’t remember who) “Be killing sin or it will be killing you”.
After seven horrible years, I feel like God is with me again. My heart feels softer and my mind is clearing up. I can now read His Word without a sense of condemnation. Praise the Lord! His mercies are new every morning!
After seven horrible years, I feel like God is with me again. My heart feels softer and my mind is clearing up. I can now read His Word without a sense of condemnation. Praise the Lord! His mercies are new every morning!
Psalm 85– The Lord gets angry at sin, but restores us after we repent
Praise God, He is restoring me and has not cast me away like I worried about before?
“The law of the Lord is perfect, restoring the soul”—Ps. 29:7
I am amazed at God and His love and mercy. He has taken my depression away and is filling my life with good things. For so long I was afraid I was an Esau, but through the Psalms my eyes got back on the Lord. Now I am His for sure forever. Praise God! Praise Jesus Christ! Praise the Holy Spirit!
I too fell into sexual sin..feel hard feel like esau..I can’t hardly function..want an appetite for the Lord but seems there is none..all I think about is hell..trying to find someone who went through this but was able to come out of it .William u gave me hope..if u or anyone else feels led to call me,please do.hopefully someone whose went through the same thing,but came out..660 620 3759..Been stuck like this for about 6 months..
Kim,
How are you doing now? Any changes?
I had a similar experience and I can tell you now. God is still with you. If you need to talk you can msg me 609-902-3380. That goes for anyone wrestling with this. My line is open.
I battled with the same sin but I am free. Just in the power of His might. Rely on the power of the Holy Spirit and He will sure lead you to Jesus. 1 John 1:9
I got into sexual sin..holy spirit would convict but I kept going back..felt so tormented.i repented but feel it was worldly.only concerned about me,not gods heart.i feel so tormented and in fear.i feel hard.almost like God has hardened me and turned away from me.i say I want him back but can’t seem to spend time with him or his word..I feel I’m lost..but I don’t want to give up..has anyone on here ever been able to come out of worldly sorrow into godly..if so,please call me..especially u William..660 620 3759..please please post this..thank u
If u go down the page you will see someone comented “If you are reading this thread and are worried that you have apostatized, don’t give up no matter what. I was as lost as a person possibly could be, but I kept crying out to God for seven years and He heard me. Trust in God’s mercy no matter how long it might take or how far you have sunk!” I saw this comment and i saw yours and i wanted to share it with you
Let those who delight in my righteousness
shout for joy and be glad
and say evermore,
“Great is the LORD,
who delights in the welfare of his servant!”
Then my tongue shall tell of your righteousness
and of your praise all the day long.
Ps. 35:27-28
Kim, I sent you a text message. I think I can help you as I went through exactly what you are going through.
If you are reading this thread and are worried that you have apostatized, don’t give up no matter what. I was as lost as a person possibly could be, but I kept crying out to God for seven years and He heard me. Trust in God’s mercy no matter how long it might take or how far you have sunk!
William…
I came across this thread, and I just can’t believe how many people seem to have my same story. I fully admit to being a dog that has returned to his own vomit time and again and, like you said I believe, this only became startlingly apparent to me after reading a sermon that basically said that you can sin yourself out of the grace of God.
I made a profession when I was about 10 years old, but got into a gross, habitual sin of the flesh at about 14 or 15. Not normal sexual attraction, but gross stuff. I got convicted of my habitual sin in about 1994, apparently “repented” of it…made a profession of faith…but then went back to it. And then lived in it for about 25 years. I would “get convicted”…pray for salvation again…time and time again…But I’d always go back to it. Round about last year, I finally said “Maybe I need to stop this…”, and I started really trying to put the brakes on…but then I read that sermon about not being able to be saved anymore, and my world basically exploded. Now I go through every day terrified…and rightly so, I think….But I’m always wondering now if there’s still any hope for me? Again, some of these stories really seem to mirror mine, words, thoughts and all…Please, if anyone can help…please…!
Please, if at all possible, I’d like to try and contact someone about what I’m going through… So many of you seem to have similar stories as mine. Basically a lifetime of secret sin, and a sudden realization and dread that God has turned his back on you. My story is that, being born and raised in the church that I still attend, at about 10 years old, I made a profession of faith. However, there was never any fruit. And to make matters worse, at about 14, I got into some particularly vile sins of the flesh. I was convicted about them to the point of depression at about 19 years old, and made another profession, even getting rebaptized, yet I turned again to my vomit…I went back to my sins…and wound up basically secretly staying in them until very recently, when I felt compelled to try and rein them in. Yet I feel like my heart had grown so hard and cold that it was almost like I felt I was doing God a favor by trying to stop them. But all the while, had you told me I had a hard heart, I probably would have said I didn’t, as I still attended church, and every now and then I would pray another salvation prayer concerning my condition. (That’s another thing…because of these habitual sins, I never really believed I’d ever been saved, and so I think I’ve prayed the “sinner’s prayer” more times than I can count…yet I’d always go back to my sins, and I don’t feel like I ever really took seriously finding the answer to what is the most important question on my life…until NOW, that is…)
And then COVID hit…and that’s when I thought that maybe I should start getting a little more serious about my relationship with God. Cut out the swearing, control my thoughts, read the Bible and pray more…etc… And so I did. And then, somehow a question began to arise in my heart about that verse in Hebrews 6, the one about “falling away”, and that’s when I started searching for sermons online. And then my world exploded, when I read a sermon by John Piper, talking about how we may go over a line with God, and reach a point of no return. And I started looking back at my life since I went back into my sin, and I started to wonder if maybe I’ve gone past that point with God, and I just never realized it until now. This was about three weeks ago, and I’ve honestly been almost borderline suicidal since. This, I think, is the first time that Hell, death and judgement feels extremely real to me. Please, if anyone would like to reach out, I’d really appreciate it.
[email protected]
I think one of the problems with me also is, as someone else stated, lately it seems like I can only relate to the negatives in the Bible. The threats, essentially, but not the promises.
Ray,
I just read your posts. Don’t give up! I thought I was hopeless for over seven years, but I kept crying out for and seeking God. Now my walk with Him is the closest it’s ever been, and I am getter g more and more involved in ministry once again in my church. Don’t believe the devil’s lies that God isn’t listening to you any more. Just keep seeking Him and believe that His mercies are new every morning. Also, read sermons about King Manasseh. That turned on the light for me that if God would accept his repentance, he would accept mine.
William,
I am in your old position, except a bit different. I have backslidden into minor sexual sin and fear that I will drift into worse sins of the same kind. I am worried that I may be like Esau in Hebrews 12:17. My heart feels so hardened against Christ and love with all manner of sin and wickedness.
I have been trying so hard to get restored from this spiritual decay and backsliding for about 6 months now, and I can’t. Nothing seems to be changing at all whatsoever. What do I do?
William,
For the past 6 months, I have backslidden into minor sexual sin and am worried about falling into worse sins like pornography. I have been scared about the Esau passage in Hebrews 12:16-17, but I still keep falling into sin. My heart feels so hardened against Christ. I am not sure what to do.
What advice can you give me?
Hey Matt, how are you doing? Have things gotten better for you?
William are you here?
Pls I need to talk to you
Hi Leah,
Hope you’re well. How have things been lately? Have you had success in moving past the guilt , shame and feelings of condemnation?….all things are possible with God.
Leah, I just saw your post. I’m sorry I’m so late. How can I help you?
To all who wrestle with the feelings of falling away and condemnation I can attest that I have been where most of you have been ( lots of past willful sins after coming to a knowledge of the truth and I still struggle and wrestle with sin ) and that God has not left you.
The Bible tells us the Satan is the father of lies and he accuses us before God day and night. But our hope is always in Jesus. What happens though is we can get caught up in a lot of self introspection ( don’t beat yourself up over that – which I did along with Satan’s accusations) and hyper analysis. It’s OK to have the spirit con it you of sins but once you relaied your mistake thank the Lord for his wonderful grace.
Romans tells us we don’t have a license to sin but it doesn’t mean we don’t fall short.
I struggled with the condemnation for many years, and I also wrestled with alot of self analysis as well as scrupulosity and ocd with depression. None of which make us unsavable.
When all those things added up it was difficult for me to rely on Jesus saving power and then I would get caught in a cycle of believing I lost my ability to believe in his grace ( becoming apostate or reprobate or unable to repent etc….)..
This simply was not true.
You are loved by God, you are forgiven by the blood of the lamb, do not continue to allow Satan yo steal that from you ( regardless of if you FEEL like it already happened.
If anyone needs to reach out for support please contact me at 609 789 4017. Or email me at [email protected].
You are not alone in your struggle and you STILL have hope!
This is Dr. Tony Fox, alias Wlliam on this site. I have been completely restored from my belief that I was apostate. Please read about it in my book, Christians, Depression, and Suicide, A Message of Hope from my Eight Year Journey, available on Amazon.
Tony, contact me. I would like to have you on Theology Unplugged to talk about this if you are willing to text me. 405
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3039ismynumber
I’m in this place myself. . I grew up in a Bible believing household, went to a Baptist Church, and made many professions over the years. Without dragging it out with too much detail I got into willful sin (fornication, drunkenness, profanity) from about 14-23 (I’m 29). When I got my first tattoo at 18 that night it felt like something was ripped out of me and I was in a state of dread. Eventually this went away and I went back to my sins. I was convicted many times about it but thought “I’ll repent later”. Also the guilt and shame of my sins began to pile on and make it seem harder and harder to even consider turning to God. Long story short I’m living it up with God being the last thing on my mind when my mother who is a godly woman told me “there’s pleasure in sin for a season” and that small comment sent me into a tailspin. I went forward at the next service I attended and knew I had to get things right, truly right. I did the only thing I knew to do and asked Christ to save me, but still something felt off. I had no peace whatsoever and thought maybe I had tempted God too long and felt completely condemned. This went on for months and eventually (I really can’t explain it) I started to feel some peace about it. My life had definitely changed. I was no longer sinning in a deliberate manner. Fast forward 6 years and I can across something (an article, website, sermon, something) and all this came flooding back but I would say worse. It’s constant mental torment of differing degrees. I literally feel like I don’t sleep anymore. Like something is keeping me up. I don’t know how I’m functioning honestly. It’s like I’m kept on the razor thin edge of sanity. Just constant dread. It just ebbs and wanes. I talked to a preacher and he said “so there’s a lot of anxiety”. I almost had to stop my self from laughing if I could have even laughed. I told him anxiety/depression would be a RELIEF compared to this. At times I quite literally can’t even think. I’ve been praying and reading Scripture it just feels like I’m talking to myself. I WANT to be Christ-like and have fruits of the spirit and witness to people, but I can never do that unless I feel I’m forgiven and out from under this immense burden.I’m just holding out for some hope that God will deliver me. I don’t think a person could endure this for very long. It feels like dying every day the torment is relentless.
I am right there with you right now, Taylor.
I’m feeling that way too. Got Dr. Tony’s book and ready to go through it. I need God and a new heart.