I am the product of a sub-emerging evangelical theological conversation which recognizes the validity of both the postmodern and modern ethos.

Go ahead, label me!

But read me first.

Those who are like me find themselves in an ocean of hope and despair holding on to two anchors at once. The modern anchor sinks because of its reliance on absolute certainty in all things. The postmodern anchor sinks because of its lack of certainty about anything. We hope to keep both anchors from setting so that theological progression can continue, all the while trying to keep themselves from going down with either (which is not easy).

You might be a like me if . . .

  1. You don’t take yourself too seriously.
  2. You do take Christ very seriously.
  3. When you are around modernists, you become postmodern.
  4. When you are around postmodernists, you become modern.
  5. You love to hate the emerging church.
  6. You hate to love the emerging church.
  7. You don’t have everything figured out.
  8. (But you do have a lot figured out).
  9. You complain about how much complaining there is in the church.
  10. You divide with people because they are too divisive.
  11. Yet you think Calvinism is just a mature spelling for G-O-S-P-E-L.
  12. You have John Piper, Team Pyro, and Justin Taylor along with Scot Mcknight, Dan Kimball, and Andrew Jones in your RSS feed . . . and you like them all!
  13. You believe that the essentials of Christianity have to do with the person and work of Jesus Christ.
  14. You will fight like a dog for non-essentials and your heart rate is not affected. 
  15. You have been though The Theology Program and you survived.
  16. Your least favorite theological subjects are eschatology (end times) and creation/evolution because everyone thinks they have all the details of the past and future figured out when you cannot even figure out the details of the present
  17. Oh, and one last thing: You cut your own hair and often have the guard fall off only to discover that you have shaved yourself bald. Yet you stubbornly continue cut your own hair so to your wife’s chagrin.

Score yourself. How many did you identify with?

If you identified with all 17=ontological unity (you are me, I am you)

If you identified with 15 to 17=we were separated at birth

If you identified with 13 to 14=good friends

If you identified with 10 to 12=call me sometime

If you identified with 7 to 9=I will call you sometime

If you identified with 4 to 5=we can just email

If you identified with 1 to 3=but you cannot have my email

If you identified with 0=let’s just have a postmortem relationship, eh?

C Michael Patton
C Michael Patton

C. Michael Patton is the primary contributor to the Parchment and Pen/Credo House Blog. He has been in ministry for nearly twenty years as a pastor, author, speaker, and blogger. Th.M. Dallas Theological Seminary (2001), president of Credo House Ministries and Credo Courses, author of Now that I'm a Christian (Crossway, 2014) Increase My Faith (Credo House, 2011), and The Theology Program (Reclaiming the Mind Ministries, 2001-2006), host of Theology Unplugged, and primary blogger here at Parchment and Pen. But, most importantly, husband to a beautiful wife and father to four awesome children. Michael is available for speaking engagements. Find him everywhere: Find him everywhere

    4 replies to "Are You Like Me? Take the Test"

    • Cory Howell

      I think I identify with 13 of the things you listed. So we’re not too far apart. Furthermore, although I have always been more or less Arminian in my perspective, I think I may be coming around to the Calvinist point of view. I’m not 100% sure I understand Calvinism yet, but maybe sticking with The Theology Program will change that!

      Oh, and I never did that thing cutting my hair. I have cut my own hair twice, and both times it turned out not too bad. (The first time I was cutting off a pony tail, and it really turned out well–even my wife liked it.)

      I’ll let you know some day how my struggle with Calvinism turns out…

    • Werner

      “If you identified with 0=let’s just have a postmortem relationship, eh?”

      You must be a closet Canadian, eh?

    • Mike

      Just found this and it’s great. Sounds just like me…except for the haircut. 😛

    • Glen Braden

      I been reading your blog on and off for several years. I don’t know how I missed this one. Except for items 15 and 17, I agree firmly with the rest.

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