Dear Homo sapiens,
This has been a rather unfortunate week for you. Since the world’s attention will turn to London next week with the Summer Olympics, I decided a voice must speak up to make next week more civilized.
A vile disease spread through your species this week. I don’t see it as frequently as in prior times and prior places but for some reason it struck twice this week. Please heed immediate caution. If you desire the Olympic games to go smoothly, do your best to eradicate the spread of this disease. If honesty continues to spread there will be no limit to its brutality.
It was brought to the attention of humankind, this week, that Dan Cathy is pro-family. The president of Chick-Fil-A opened his hate-filled mouth stating, “We are very much supportive of the family — the biblical definition of the family unit.”
Unbelievable. Unconscionable. Who knew Chick-Fil-A was a Christian organization? Sure, they’ve always been closed on Sunday but wasn’t that because they are backwoods NFL and NASCAR fans? It turns out they are closed on Sundays to allow employees to go to church, be with their families, and observe the Sabbath. Cathy further added insult to injury stating God may know best how a family should operate. Can you believe a Christian would make such a ridiculous statement?
Where will this end? Will Atheists start telling people there is no God? Will my mortgage company tell me what I owe them? Will Apple store employees start making fun of Microsoft? If a Christian will honestly communicate orthodox Christian ideas, will honesty ever stop infecting Homo sapiens? We need to stop the madness. For the sake of humanity.
If one encounter with honesty was enough to ruin the week for the species, a second encounter hit the planet. An epidemic may be on the horizon. An NBC reporter asked Mitt Romney whether London was ready for the Olympic games. Romney questioned the readiness of London to host the games. Thankfully the British press quickly sought to eradicate this honesty coming from the lips of Romney.
The Daily Mail said, “Who Invited Party-Pooper Romney?” The Guardian brought some clarity saying, “It doesn’t get much worse than that for someone who was hoping to boost his profile abroad…” Another headline read, “Mitt Romney is perhaps the only politician who could start a trip that was supposed to be a charm offensive by being utterly devoid of charm and mildly offensive.”
Foolishly, Romney appeared to utilize observation, reason and wisdom in coming to such a hateful response. If it is not common knowledge to your species, let me be clear. Observation, reason and wisdom are bedfellows with honesty.
Supposedly the international news spent weeks reporting on several safety failures leading up to the games. It is rumored the company in charge of security had been severely chastised by the British government. One report says they were more than 3,000 employees short in providing adequate security for the games. Some are even saying the military, who had fought long and hard in Afghanistan, were called in at the last minute to provide security for the Olympics. Furthermore, security agents at Heathrow Airport supposedly nearly went on strike hours before passengers were to arrive from all over the world.
Oh, Mitt Romney what were you thinking? Why would you have even considered saying “there are a few things that were disconcerting” about the management of the London Olympic Games.
Homo sapiens have had enough honesty for one week. If honesty is allowed to flourish we may have to tell some of the Olympic athletes they did not win. What do you think that will do to their self-esteem?
Let me be honest, honesty must stop.
10 replies to "An Open Letter to Homo sapiens"
Sad but, dare I say, true.
Honestly!?
Seems like a third honest piece (this blog by an outrageous man named Tim Kimberly) is out there to torment people this week!
Oh, the utter horror of it all.
So how much did the “ROmney for President” campaign pay for this message? Oh, and by the way, since you are using GEIGO images, are they being compensated?
Delwyn,
I wish I was smart enough to have received money from the Romney Campaign. Additionally, I missed out on any Geico funds as well. If you know anyone at either of these organizations please let me know and maybe it’s not too late to monetize this blog post.
thanks for any help you can provide,
Tim
ROFLOLOLOLOL!!!!!
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Isaiah 5:20 Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!
The Bible and prayer is removed from the public school
street preaching is banned in many communities
Pastors preach the Word and it is hate speech
BUT
Killing babies is accepted, normal and defended
Sodomy is good and wholesome
And two chicks getting married are models of what we should aspire to (Ellen and Portia)
Actually, it’s easier to be honest when you actually know what you’re talking about. Because, most people know less than those few of us who know more than the rest of us.
But seriously, you can be honest without telling the truth. I would rather be faithful than honest, to be honest, and know what I’m talking about, as well!
[…] An Open Letter to Homo sapiens Dear Homo sapiens, […]