In my confession not too long ago I admitted that I broke down and bought an iPhone. I have to admit that I have really enjoyed it. It has almost become sinfully addictive. Not only does it do just about everything one would ever need, but those applications . . . those wonderful applications.
Well Apple lovers, the unthinkable happened. I have had many cell phones in my day and none of them ever stopped working. But last week things changed. The unfathomable. The, yes, impossible. My iPhone quite working. But this is just the beginning of my journey.
I knew there was something odd about Apple people, but I did not know just how far this musterion went. I first went to the AT&T dealer to have them fix my phone. Seems reasonable. Bought it from this store, take it back to them to have them fix it. Oh no. Not the case with Apple. The AT&T people acted like I was crazy to even walk through those doors with such a thought. They quickly informed me that I have to go to the “Apple Store.” They also were quick to let me know that there was only two in the state. Their hands off approach (plausible deniability?) sent me thirty minutes away to the closest Apple Store.
Here is where the story really begins . . .
When I walk in . . . (I am not sure how to describe this). Back up. I remember going to India on a mission trip and to teach at a seminary. In preparation, they informed me that there would be a profound sense of evil that you could feel right when you entered the city. Well, I never felt such the entire time that I was there. Why? I don’t know, but I am starting to think that it was because the evil was at the Apple Store. I walked in to see the idols. Everything in the store was Apple. Chills went down my spine and all I could think was that I was not welcome.
The workers were very nice. I have been watching the series “Lie to Me” so, I now know how to read expressions. These people were truly happy to be there. In other words, they were not forced and there were no military grade ankle bracelets. In fact, I think they may have been volunteers. Think the polar extreme of Subway workers. I don’t know if they ever left. I tried to peak in the back to see if there were beds, cots, or polls on which they hung upside down, but they were very protective of the “back of the store.” Nevertheless, they were very helpful, but their assumption about me was their downfall. You see, they assumed that I was just like them. They assumed that I was part of The Cult.
This delusion lasted for a while until I began to toy with them a bit. In a discussion about my ministry, I told them that I could not use Apple because it could not do everything that a PC could do.
I don’t know how to describe their reaction. There were three of them standing around me. It is not as if I thought that they were going to attack (for Apple people are not really tough), but it was more like the look of a computer when you tell it to open a file and the software is not present. You know, the screen that comes up that says, “Could not open file. Please choose a program to open it.” Only they did not attempt to choose. They just stared at me with those eyes. Eyes glazed over. Eyes that did not get it. Stepford Wives type eyes. Here, I actually took out my working camera phone and took a picture.
Anyway, as I went to have them take a look at my phone, I was asked if I had an appointment? What is this place? A dentist’s office? Anyway, I did not, and they put me on “standby.” While on standby, a cult member approached me and asked if I had been helped. I said yes, but I told him the problem anyway. He said, “Let me see your phone.” I gave it to him and he went into “the back.” I have no idea what he was doing and I did not really care. I just wanted a working phone. He came back and said it was working. No explanation, just, “Its working.”
Well, the evil sense that I had felt was not subsiding at all. At one point, I though I heard whispers—whispers of men, women, and children. I could not make out much of what they said except for one phrase, “appelos kurios.” I did not know what it meant. I quickly left and did not look back.
After I got home I washed my clothes (with bleach) and took a shower. Then I took another.
However, the same day, my phone quit working again. I am not sure what to do.
Should I go back?